Rule 1 - Don't show off

Bumping into somebody you know at the gym is, sadly, an inevitable reality.

So when I walked into the cardio room of Greens Gym earlier this week, I was dismayed to look across the rows of machines and spot an old friend from high school. Wanting to avoid passing them, I tried to find a free treadmill, but the only ones available were in such a position that I'd have to pass my super-fit ex-pal.

He has his headphones on, so no worries about needing to strike a conversation up. I pass him, and he looks up. We exchange a polite nod and a smile, and I set myself up on the only free machine in sight - directly in front of him.

Now, this is my warm-up. Around eight minutes, I start with a brisk walk on a steep incline before coming back down to ground level and speeding things up. But he doesn't know this is my warm-up.

And that means I've got no choice to go that little bit further and faster than I'd planned. If there's one bit of advice I can pass on on gym-going, it's this: do not show off. Very rarely does it end well. You don't get the better of the gym, it gets the better of you.

So, knowing he's watching, I pound the treadmill, trying to prove that I'm every bit as fit as he is. Soon my lungs are aching, but I've set the machine to eight minutes and if I quit now he'll see I didn't reach 100%. A wave of stupidity overcomes me and I crank the machine up to 16k/hr, in an attempt to show both the machine and my old friend who's in charge.

My heart's pounding, my legs becoming more wobbly by the each agonising second, but I finish it. My hands reach out for support, and I manage to hold myself up.

I turn around, but my friend is gone.

Time to go, I think.